How to Find a Pen Pal!

Elizabeth Levesque ·

Yes, pen pals are still a thing! It's not just a throwback to a childhood before computers! The phrase is quaint and dated but still accurate, distinguishing between someone you write a physical letter to and people you may chat with through online message boards.

STRANGER DANGER?

The idea of talking to strangers isn't unusual nowadays, considering we spend so much of our lives chatting anonymously online. There was a point where your average person was horrified at the idea of talking to faceless weirdos on the internet, but that fear has long since dissolved as so many of our jobs, shopping, and hobbies have moved to the virtual. (I recall the earliest days of social media sites, especially the pre-myspace website Makeoutclub. While I made friends there, and many real-life friends had profiles, I would not have liked my parents or normie friends to know about it.)

So, while making a long-distance friend you never meet in person isn't so strange, it's the effort that goes into it; the formality of finding someone you want to exchange physical letters and packages with can still feel out of reach or old-fashioned. This effort and formality, however, can also be seen as a unique and significant part of the pen pal experience.

WHY YOU MIGHT WANT A PEN PAL

Seeking Authentic Connection

Many people crave genuine connection. While social media and instant messaging offer convenience, the instant gratification can lead to a lack of depth. Writing a pen pal encourages one to slow down, reflect, and communicate thoughtfully.

Everyone Loves Getting Mail!

There’s something delightful about receiving a letter in the mail—a sense of anticipation that digital messages can’t replicate. Opening a physical envelope and reading words carefully penned by someone just for you does not compare.

Cultivating Long-Lasting Friendships

Pen pal relationships can grow into lasting friendships. The time and effort invested in writing letters may help build a deeper connection.

Expanding Cultural Horizons

You can seek a pen pal from outside your sphere of experience. You’ll learn about their culture, traditions, and way of life, offering a richer understanding of global diversity.

Enhancing Writing Skills and Creativity

Composing letters gives you a chance to improve your writing skills, explore creativity, and articulate your ideas more deliberately.

How to Find a Pen Pal Safely

Choose the Right Platform

Many sites and boards are dedicated to finding pen pals, many with different themes. These sites are filled with people who are eager to forge new connections through snail mail. Here are some popular options:

The above is just a selection of options, some of which I have used. I may review my experiences in future blog posts. Do you have any groups or websites you recommend?

Safety Tips for Pen Pal Correspondence

  • Use Reputable Platforms: Stick to well-known pen pal websites and apps.

  • Be Clear: You will likely encounter some folks who want to use a penpal site as if it were a dating app. Don’t be afraid to be clear that you are not interested in a romance. Put it in your profile if applicable that you are not interested in finding love.

  • Protect Personal Information: Avoid sharing sensitive details until you’ve built trust.

  • Use a P.O. Box for Added Security: Consider using a P.O. box or online interaction until you’re confident in the relationship.

  • Monitor Your Minors: A parent should monitor a child’s internet and phone use, so check in with anyone your child may contact via a penpal site. I don’t want to imply kids shouldn’t have penpals (in fact, I think the term conjures up images of childhood more than anything adult-related), but there is a danger they may encounter someone sketchy.

  • Trust Your Instincts: Don’t hesitate to step back or discontinue the exchange if something feels off or uncomfortable.

  • Do You Have the Time?: Be honest with yourself and determine whether you can make the time to correspond with pen pals through handwritten letters and cards. It takes commitment to maintain a pen pal friendship. It isn’t fair to your pen pal if you cannot or will not respond to their letters.